On Saturday, November 14, College GameDay’s going to broadcast from the 2020 Masters, which will undoubtedly capture the coveted audience of Southern Dads Who Put Off Going To Home Depot Until Sunday. If this broadcast goes well, ESPN’s planning other non-football trips for GameDay, according to an internal memo* we got our hands on:
*this memo is not real, don’t ask us if it’s real, thank you
FOR INTERNAL USE ONLY
After reviewing several options, we’ve narrowed the field down to six possible candidates to host College GameDay outside of the show’s usual college football setup. While each has its own set of pros and cons, we are confident any or all of them could be pulled off.
GameDay at Wimbledon
Pros: Beautiful venue with lots of scenic places to shoot, natural opportunity for a Chris Fowler reunion appearance, good outreach opportunity for college football fans in the United Kingdom, and we all get to sleep in for once.
Cons: Not a ton of college football to discuss in June/July, tennis whites will look terrible on Herbstreit, and Rinaldi will find it incredibly difficult to make a Brit cry. Will have to remind the crew that Boris Johnson is not David Yost after really letting himself go.
Guest Picker: Maggie Smith
GameDay at Beanpot
Pros: Expands the GameDay brand into a classic regional hockey tournament, interesting bonus event in February after the national championship, would make Bill Simmons very cranky, gets us to a major market without having to wait for Boston College to be kind of good for any stretch of time. Can likely convince some overconfident locals to get embarrassed by Maria Taylor on a YMCA court.
Cons: Desmond’s going to show up in his Packers jersey and wearing his Super Bowl ring and talk about the importance of special teams and it’s going to make Patriots fans more unhinged than they already are. Fallica’s Boston accent will need a lot of prep time. Need to give PR a heads up that Dabo will likely complain about GameDay going to four-team playoff that Clemson wasn’t even considered for, even though that’s not how any of this works.
Guest Picker: TBD, BUT NEITHER AFFLECK BROTHER.
GameDay at the National Dog Show
Pros: Family-friendly programming opportunity, chance to show the lighter sides of our hosts. Natural fit with the college football calendar in November, and potential to scoop NBC on the results since they won’t air the show itself until a couple of weeks later. Possible segment where we get the dog mascots of college football judged professionally.
Cons: Groomers will likely try to cut Pollack’s hair so we’ll need to have “no, he likes it that way” language drafted. Legal advised against the mascot judging idea due to the likelihood of death threats from Texas A&M fans. Need to remind Herbstreit that not all Huskies come from the University of Washington; he will likely insist the breed’s just not that good all the same.
Guest Picker: Kirby Smart. Copy the Pollack hair language for him, while we’re at it.
GameDay at the National Spelling Bee
Pros: Reinforces the show’s commitment to education. Similar to Beanpot, allows us to do a show in Maryland without waiting on the Terps to be good at football. Contestants and families are basically an all-you-can-eat buffet for Rinaldi and Wojciechowski.
Cons: Some of the hosts will be apoplectic when they learn the Bee recently ended in an eight-way tie. Corso’s going to want to put a Georgia Tech mascot head on and insist that “nature always wins,” and we just need to go along with it.
Guest Picker: Ryan Lochte.
GameDay at the Papal Conclave
Pros: Major opportunity to put GameDay in front of Catholic audiences worldwide. Urban Meyer’s under contract at Fox so we don’t have to worry about dealing with him. Italian vacation is a nice reward for the crew. Fallica will really get to show off his gambling prowess discussing new pope odds.
Cons: Hard to plan around since we’ve only had four in the last fifty years. Naturally, Notre Dame’s going to want a segment. Under no circumstances can Corso be given access to a papier-mâché Martin Luther head. Will need to head off any rumors planted by Houston Nutt that he’s very interested in the pontiff job.
Guest Picker: Jim Harbaugh.
GameDay at Kumite
Pros: No competitor has been able to broadcast from this secret underground martial arts tournament, so the ratings should be huge. Fits with our “every game matters” branding for the college football regular season. Can probably get Muschamp an invite to the tournament.
Cons: We’ll get a lot of questions about the Kumite Selection Committee and we’ll have to emphasize that we have no relationship with that group, nor do we know if it even exists in the first place. At least one of the hosts (probably Pollack) will demand to fight; check with HR to see if that’s covered by the company’s health insurance plans.
Guest Picker: Owen Marecic.