When South Carolina fired Will Muschamp in November, the buyout the Gamecocks owed their dismissed coach was reported to be around $13 million. I would advise you not to stop and wonder aloud what Muschamp would spend that money on, lest you be cursed with Instagram ads for bulk jerky and punch-proof whiteboards.
You should, however, join me in thinking about how South Carolina could have spent the extra $2 million it turns out they owe Muschamp.
How does a school oopsie itself into that much additional payout? By getting the Board of Trustees to approve a reduction in Muschamp’s buyout, then not having either of the parties sign the agreement.
To help South Carolina learn from this mistake and do better going forward, I have compiled a sample list of items they could have bought with that two million, partially in the style of The Twelve Days of Christmas:
With two million dollars, the Gamecocks could have bought
Twelve chocolate fountains ($647.87)
Eleven thousand Nerf guns ($475,081.20)
Ten suits of armor ($40,489.20)
Nine pressure washers ($3,586.68)
Eight Toyota Tundras ($290,952)
Seven in-ground pools ($238,065.07)
Six dragon statues ($22,679.94)
Five Big Green Eggs ($4,854.60)
Four Airstream trailers ($699,408)
Three hundred crossbows ($217,076.76)
Two dentist chairs ($7,123.68)
And a photo signed by Reba ($35.00)