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What could South Carolina do with $2 million?

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The Banner Society Advent Calendar’s entry for December 10

When South Carolina fired Will Muschamp in November, the buyout the Gamecocks owed their dismissed coach was reported to be around $13 million. I would advise you not to stop and wonder aloud what Muschamp would spend that money on, lest you be cursed with Instagram ads for bulk jerky and punch-proof whiteboards.

You should, however, join me in thinking about how South Carolina could have spent the extra $2 million it turns out they owe Muschamp.

How does a school oopsie itself into that much additional payout? By getting the Board of Trustees to approve a reduction in Muschamp’s buyout, then not having either of the parties sign the agreement.

To help South Carolina learn from this mistake and do better going forward, I have compiled a sample list of items they could have bought with that two million, partially in the style of The Twelve Days of Christmas:

With two million dollars, the Gamecocks could have bought

Twelve chocolate fountains ($647.87)

Eleven thousand Nerf guns ($475,081.20)

Ten suits of armor ($40,489.20)

Nine pressure washers ($3,586.68)

Eight Toyota Tundras ($290,952)

Seven in-ground pools ($238,065.07)

Six dragon statues ($22,679.94)

Five Big Green Eggs ($4,854.60)

Four Airstream trailers ($699,408)

Three hundred crossbows ($217,076.76)

Two dentist chairs ($7,123.68)

And a photo signed by Reba ($35.00)