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2011 Chip Kelly needs you to pipe down

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The Banner Society Advent Calendar’s entry for December 5

Chip Kelly’s on his third job since leaving Oregon. Eagles fans ended up hating him. Niners fans only had one year with him in which to form an opinion. UCLA fans can point to the greatest comeback ever and not a ton else in two years and change.

The last eight years of Kelly-related disappointment can make it easy to forget what he accomplished in Eugene. In four seasons with Kelly as head coach, the Ducks went 46-7, appeared in two Rose Bowls (and won once), claimed three conference titles, and battled to a close defeat in one of the most memorable national championship games ever.*

The strictly-football highlights are easy to recall. But for some reason, there is only one non-gameplay moment that sticks in my brain: the time Kelly hollered at some rowdy teens after beating Arizona State:

There are a few things I’d like to note here, nine years later.

1. I almost certainly would have cursed. Hopefully, I would have had the presence of mind to say “Hey, shut the hell up!” instead of “Hey, shut the fuck up!” But the latter option would have been the first thing in my mind. Kudos to Kelly for keeping it clean and not having to write a sincere letter of apology to the impressionable youngsters who heard his inappropriate language.

2. On the other hand, I’m a little disappointed Kelly didn’t unleash a dad cuss. I mean, the man is from New Hampshire; this should be easy for him. “Knock off the bullcrap!” or “Hey, will you shut the heck up?” or “Cram it, ya jick-jacks!” would have really made this moment special for me, a 37-year-old man who asked for a pressure washer for his birthday.

3. Erin Andrews couldn’t be happier here. I can only imagine how many postgame interviews she’d conducted up to this point while trying to block out some bro who desperately wants his WOOOOOO broadcast on a national network. She cannot tell that dude to shut up, because then her professionalism and decorum will be debated for weeks. She can certainly enjoy watching Chip Kelly do it, though.

4. I truly don’t mind that these teens (or near-teens) want to get on camera and mug a bit after an Oregon win. I just wish they’d come up with something more interesting to say than the aforementioned WOOOOOO. Why not shout “Fiat currency is a lie!” or “The Two Towers should have won Best Picture instead of Chicago!” instead? You’ve gone to the trouble of interrupting an interview. Say something surprising!

5. Kelly successfully shushed and scattered the youths, but one of them refused to let his moment in the sun end.

6. I really hope Dennis Erickson paid these whippersnappers to interrupt Kelly’s interview.

*Michael Dyer was down.