The United States of Moss

In the course of his college football and NFL careers, Randy Moss caught 209 touchdowns. Nearly a third were at least 40 yards. Of Moss’s many skills, the penchant for home run receptions was one of the most soul-crushing. The offense wasn’t that close to the end zone, and then — poof! — Moss was celebrating.

And that video doesn’t even include his sixteen TDs at Marshall that went for 40 plus!

As a public service, I have mapped the location of all these long touchdowns. Behold the United States of Moss.

Map not showing up clearly for you? Try this link.

If you want to avoid being burned by Moss, stick to the 25 states where he has never played a professional or college football game.

That’s right: half the country is safe only because neither Marshall nor the six NFL teams Moss played for had a game scheduled in their borders. Sometimes survival is just a matter of being in the right place (away from Randy Moss) at the right time (the entirety of his career).

That leaves five states - Colorado, Hawaii, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Washington - where Moss played but didn’t score a long touchdown. Consider yourselves lucky and never bring this fact up lest you coax the man out of retirement just to take you off this list.

Minnesota and West Virginia being high on this list isn’t surprising.

Michigan isn’t either, though it’s not all on the Lions; Moss had an 80-yard touchdown against Central Michigan and another against Ole Miss in the Motor City Bowl. The three New York touchdowns? Two in a Marshall road game against Army, and another against the Bills while Moss was a Patriot. (I put the long scores against the Jets and Giants in New Jersey, because that’s where they happened. Do not accept the NFL’s geography lies.)

The Georgia touchdown? You’re off the hook, Falcons; that was scored on the Georgia Southern defense. And the North Carolina score was against Appalachian State, not the Panthers. In fact, Moss only scored one long touchdown in an NFC South team’s home stadium. Good job, Saints!

Finally, if he won every state in which he scored a long touchdown, Randy Moss would win the race for president by 67 electoral votes.

Here is a photoshop of President Moss for you to ponder.