/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/66475828/puddlesblue.0.jpg)
There are not enough dog mascots. But every animal is at least a little bit dog. It’s time to rank them by how dog they are.
A few rules:
- I looked at each one on Google and kept score of dogness.
- A few of these mascots might have changed, but that’s too bad, because this is what I saw on Google.
- Most real animals are more dog than most costumed mascots, unless the costumed animals are costumed dogs.
- Cats don’t act like dogs.
- I don’t like reptiles.
Here are the rankings:
- Oregon’s “Puddles” The Duck
- Tulsa’s Goldie the retriever
- Tennessee’s Smokey the hound
- NIU’s huskies, including a statue (cute)
- Washington’s Dubs the Malamute (cute)
- UConn’s Jonathan the husky (cute)
- Texas A&M’s Reveille the important collie
- NC State’s Tamaskan (cute)
- Mississippi State’s Bully the bulldog
- Georgia’s Uga the bulldog
- Louisiana Tech’s Tech the bulldog
- Fresno State’s Victor E. Bulldog the bulldog
- Colorado’s Ralphie the bison on a leash (cute)
- LSU’s Mike the tiger (adorable)
- Cincinnati’s Lucy the bearcat (cute). There’s also a costumed bearcat who was once arrested for throwing snowballs (great)
- Nevada’s costumed wolf people
- Memphis’ TOM the tiger (sleepy)
- Arkansas State’s costumed red wolves
- New Mexico’s costumed wolves (terrible)
- Western Kentucky’s Big Red the Big Red (great)
- Stanford’s homemade trees (amazing)
- Syracuse’s Otto the orange (pretty good)
- Auburn’s Aubie the costumed tiger and his real eagle friends
- Minnesota’s Goldie the costumed gopher
- Navy’s Bill the goat (great)
- Arkansas’ Tusk the boar
- Colorado State’s CAM the ram (pretty good)
- Baylor’s Judges the bears
- North Carolina’s Rameses the ram
- Alabama’s costumed elephant (pretty good)
- Akron’s costumed kangaroo
- UCLA’s costumed bear
- Cal’s scary costumed bear (terrible)
- Oregon State’s costumed beaver, a friend/enemy of “Puddles”
- Miami’s Sebastian the ibis, who has a gun and was also kind of arrested during a game
- Wyoming’s Cowboy Joe the pony
- SMU’s Peruna the pony
- Oklahoma’s crazy horses who love to knock things over as a team (very dog behavior)
- Army’s mules
- Florida State’s Renegade, the horse who fell over
- Texas Tech’s horse
- Rutgers’ horse from Medieval Times (I used to eat turkey legs there, but then I became a pescatarian, but now I’m a vegetarian. I don’t eat fish any more.)
- Virginia’s horse
- USC’s Traveler the horse
- UCF’s horse from Medieval Times
- Boise State’s costumed horse
- Western Michigan’s costumed horse (pretty good, also terrible)
- Ole Miss’ costumed shark
- Middle Tennessee’s costumed horse
- Wisconsin’s costumed badger
- Buffalo’s costumed bull
- Marshall’s costumed bison
- Utah State’s costumed bull
- USF’s costumed bull (terrible)
- South Carolina’s Sir Big Spur the chicken
- Air Force’s Falcon the falcon
- Georgia Southern’s Freedom the eagle
- Boston College’s Baldwin the eagle
- Temple’s Stella the owl (cute)
- FAU’s costumed burrowing owl (dogs also love burrowing)
- Tulane’s costumed pelican
- UTSA’s costumed roadrunner
- Georgia Tech’s costumed yellow jacket (pretty good)
- Virginia Tech’s costumed turkey (pretty funny)
- ULM’s costumed hawk with a plane (ridiculous)
- Iowa State’s costumed cardinal
- Bowling Green’s costumed falcon
- Kansas’ costumed “jayhawk”
- Iowa’s costumed hawk (pretty good)
- Kent State’s costumed eagle
- Coastal Carolina’s costumed chicken
- Southern Miss’ costumed eagle
- Eastern Michigan’s costumed eagle
- Utah’s costumed hawk
- Louisville’s costumed cardinal
- North Texas’ costumed eagle
- Miami (Ohio)’s costumed hawk
- Ball State’s costumed cardinal
- Rice’s costumed owl (terrible)
- Liberty’s costumed eagle (terrible)
- Old Dominion’s costumed lion with a crown
- Northwestern’s costumed wildcat (pretty good)
- Clemson’s costumed tiger
- Ohio’s costumed bobcat who fights more important mascots
- Kentucky’s costumed wildcat
- Washington State’s costumed cougar
- Houston’s costumed cougar who lost a fight to “Puddles”
- Arizona’s costumed wildcat
- South Alabama’s costumed jaguar
- Penn State’s costumed cougar
- FIU’s costumed panther
- Pitt’s costumed panther
- UAB’s costumed dragon (not a real dragon, but pretty good)
- Missouri’s costumed tiger
- Texas State’s costumed bobcat
- Georgia State’s costumed panther (terrible)
- BYU’s costumed cougar (terrible)
- Maryland’s costumed turtle (terrible x5)
- Florida’s costumed alligators
- TCU’s costumed horned frog
- Ohio State’s buckeye who lost a fight to Ohio’s bobcat
- Kansas State’s terrible wildcat (very terrible)
- Duke’s costumed devil
- Arizona State’s costumed devil
- Wake Forest’s costumed person who’s supposed to be a demon
- All the people/other mascots
- Michigan’s invisible wolverine
- Texas’ Bevo the longhorn, who attacked Uga the bulldog (mean x100)
Loading comments...