Theory: Texas & Texas A&M will both be expensive disappointments

We’re at a final THAT DOG WON'T HUNT, with only Texas A&M being mediocre keeping this from being a full WHAT IN TARNATION. Texas will finish the season in the same tier with the Kentuckys and Illinoises of the world, toothless on offense and hapless on defense. Their head coach makes $5 million a year and has one win over a ranked team this year. That win was a three-point victory over Kansas State, a team with a better conference record and overall win total in the first year of a new coach’s tenure. It’s bad. It is very, very bad right now. Texas A&M has done mostly what everyone thought they were going to do, but underwhelming to expectations is still underwhelming. Don’t think about Jimbo Fisher’s salary when they lose to LSU by three scores, or when the finish strong in the bowl game and still end up 8-5.

Down a bit thanks to some waning interest in both teams and spotlights being shone elsewhere. (Hey, Bama/LSU!) Texas beat Kansas State, an accomplishment for the Longhorns. This is not damning with faint praise! Historically, K-State has been a hard out for the Longhorns, and presently the Wildcats this season already have a win over Oklahoma. Texas A&M had a bye week, which Jimbo Fisher probably spent counting all the money he has that you never will.

The Longhorns had a Letdown but we're still hanging stable thanks to Texas A&M doing what they were supposed to do. We're threatening to teeter into a full WHAT IN TARNATION soon thanks to a Longhorn loss to TCU sending Austin into full letdown mode.

This week the Lone Star Letdown Watch hangs steady, but only because A&M won an unremarkable game over a derelict Mississippi State team, and only just. Texas losing straight-up to a mediocre TCU team almost required a move to a full on What In Tarnation, but the Aggies continued trudge to 8-5 just barely keeps us at Dog Won’t Hunt.

Texas (the state) staying steady after a week where both teams won, but didn’t really win the way anyone feels great about at all. A&M squeaked by Ole Miss, and Texas (the team) took Kansas to the wire, which is not supposed to happen in that subject/verb order, or in any other subject/verb order you arrange it in.

Dual losses to great teams would be fine if both teams a) didn’t have designs on being great themselves, b) didn’t lose them to teams that are definitely NOT rivals like Oklahoma, and c) get skunked by a division rival they desperately want to catch. Are we counting this as two losses to Alabama because Jalen Hurts was involved? Yes, yes we are.

Texas was productive and good against West Virginia, something everyone will forget the minute they do anything other than beat Oklahoma this coming week. Texas A&M had a bye week, and everyone will forget this the minute they get poleaxed by Alabama this coming week.

Texas had a bye week and changed nothing about their relatively successful season so far. A&M had a close win over a terrible Arkansas team, but can be excused because all Arkansas/A&M games have a tendency to slide into chaos immediately.

Texas continued to foil any plot for a full Whataburger Republic meltdown by beating Oklahoma State, snapping a four-game losing streak to the Pokes and generally staying on track for acceptability. The Aggies have gone full accomplice, however. The Aggies played flat for three quarters of a listless matchup with Auburn, sprinting to the finish in the fourth quarter to make a 28-20 loss to the Tigers look much closer than it was. Y'all gave Kevin Sumlin a chance to hit you with the looky-eyes emoji on Twitter! That should count as two losses.

Texas beat Rice, which it is supposed to do, and Texas A&M beat Lamar, which they are also supposed to do. That's the bare minimum of what these programs are supposed to do. That kind of week around the ranch changes little about the ongoing sour starts to either Lone Star State power's seasons, but it sure as hell beats the alternative.

The flagship universities for Texas college football both lost this Saturday, taking us near but not all the way to a full-blown gridiron crisis in the Lone Star State. At least Texas can claim to have put up an excellent fight in a shootout with the newly potent LSU Tigers, scoring thirty-eight points on an SEC defense and generally staying in the game until the fourth quarter. Texas A&M traveled to Clemson, enjoyed a nice bus ride to the stadium, and then logged valuable frequent flyer miles on the way home to College Station. That’s all they did, really, flopping badly in a 24-10 loss to the Tigers that was much less competitive than the score indicates.

Both the Longhorns and the Aggies beat their Week 1 opponents by 30+ points, and if you're thinking that makes them *less* likely to wind up disappointments, you don't get how this works at all! These are the games you must win, and win handily, to build up the championship expectations you will later fail to meet. This is the part of the cartoon where Wile E. Coyote purchases some shiny ACME device. Look how impressive it is! It definitely won't explode and turn you into a coyote-shaped pile of ash.