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Rankings are very serious business. Serious business is boring business. The Top Whatever (see the latest edition below -- the editions before that one will probably not work) is the only college football ranking that takes itself appropriately seriously. For real, none of them actually matter, outside of like one month at the end of the season.

Every point scored in Super Bowl history, assigned by college

Please use this for all your college football arguments, online and in real life

The AP Poll: Now with more Group of 5!

Will the voters quickly abandon the BYUs and Marshalls of the college football world?

The College Football Playoff Committee is about to have a very bad time

Good luck with that system you built for normal seasons, voters!

Rank every team, cowards

If we’re going to a silly poll for this very weird season, might as well lean into it!

Aggies On Top Of Longhorns Is No Laughing Matter

This is a story about a non-story.

The intellectual tyranny of the preseason poll must end in 2020

For too long, college football voters have been motivated by fear. This season, let their ballots sing with inspiration.

Imagine the Playoff arguments if CFB had no non-con games

For no reason at all, let’s imagine a September-less CFB season.

The worst Price Is Right showcases of the 1990s

The American Dream: being good enough at economy stuff to acquire some dumb crap your neighbors don’t have.

Draft Points: How each ‘Position U’ argument changes all the time

Let’s assign point values to each NFL Draft spot since 1970 and see what we can learn.

24 old-timey sailor animal logos, ranked

A bunch of mid-20th century logos are extremely similar, but we can find key differences.

108 college football mascots, ranked by dogness

Which FBS mascots are the most and least dog? Let’s ask an 11-year-old expert.

1,875 college nicknames, mapped and charted

Everything to know at the big-picture levels about American college sports’ 91 Eagles, 75 Hawks, 63 Cougars, 63 Tigers, and so on.

NFL Draft: How to be a sleeper

Let’s discuss the art of being a sleeper prospect.

The All-Time All-Combine Team: The greatest at each position

Here’s a team made up of the best performers in the history of the NFL Combine.

Elite punters rank objects by how far they could punt them

The NFL’s budding punters debate the puntability of a wide array of items.

Long snappers rank 14 household objects by long-snappability

Let’s dive into the data.

The 136 most XFL team names in football history

Let’s find the most Xtreme teams in all of American and Canadian pro and college football.

The 15 highest-rated Signing Day classes ever

Saban and Smart are all over this, but Meyer tops both lists ... with two different schools.

Here’s some interesting data on 2020 recruiti-WTF USC

How well did each team recruit, relative to its established norm?

2020’s recruiting STATE CHAMPS, mapped and explained

Per the rankings, these are the teams that hauled the most talent out of every state.

The states that produce the least college football talent

How long’s it been since your state had a five-star?

Each CFB signing class averages 2.5 different #1 recruits

Congratulations to your school and its rival for both signing the #1 recruit.

All 50 states, ranked by their percentage of national blue-chip recruits

Georgia’s rise and California’s slip mean the Big Three is officially the Big Four.

The 15 most overmatched teams ever, based on schedule strength

Let’s find the most schedule-doomed team of each decade in college football history.

Who’s the best college QB ever? Here are 9 answers

There’s no agreed-upon definition. Here are different lenses for that argument, along with an answer (or two) for each.

CFB’s 70 most underrated teams ever, based on the AP Poll

The most underrated team from every preseason AP Poll ever.

The 70 most overrated teams ever, one from every preseason AP Poll

Here’s the biggest disappointment from every preseason poll in AP history.

THE definitive national champ for each season, 1869-2019

Or the closest thing to it, based on historical consensus. We’ll also do a final count at the end.

2019 bowl season’s 50 finest moments, ranked by The Top Whatever

Each week or so, The Top Whatever ranks all the college football things that must be ranked. This edition ranks the entire 2019 season’s postseason.

College football’s STATE CHAMPS OF THE 2010s, mapped

College football is massive and doesn’t lend itself to state championships, but we can do our best to fill that void.

15 Bama games rank in the top 10 games of the 2010s, somehow

The Tide co-starred in most of the decade’s biggest moments.

Replacing the worst BIG BOWL teams of the BCS/NY6 era

Antiquated rules have meant some forgettable teams ascending to the biggest bowls.