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25 lies to tell yourself each National Signing Day

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Which of these are you this year?

Lie #26: Nick Saban wanted our recruits, but he couldn’t have them
Kevin C. Cox, Getty. Banner Society illustration
  1. Rival U is cheating significantly more than my school is.
  2. Our JUCO signees have nuanced stories full of context. Rival U's JUCOs are bad people.
  3. Recruiting rankings are [anti-Great Plains/flawed forever because Texas commits were overrated like 11 years ago/E-SEC-PN BIAS/general bullshit] anyway.
  4. Rival U's four-star quarterback should play wide receiver or whatever.
  5. Our four-star ATH just needs one year of coaching and ~voila~ a quarterback.
  6. He's only a two-star because he's not in ~our~ strength program yet.
  7. [endless spree of excuses for your school's mediocre academic rankings and sad NFL Draft production, all in the same list somehow]
  8. I know a guy who says [...].
  9. Rival U's cutting student-athletes from its commitment list as if it's a downsizing drug cartel. Your critiques of my alma mater severing ties with some unacceptable players, however, lack facts.
  10. After studying* his film**, I think [...].
  11. Rival U's top signee wasn't even the best player in his own Home Ec class.
  12. Player said he chose us over Rival U because of our engineering program. This is why my school is special. The media should make a bigger deal out of this. Wow, the first Super Bowl MVP to land on Jupiter? He made a 400-year decision, not a four-year decision. I am shuddering with hope for the future of our species. Rival U doesn't even have an engineering program that I acknowledge.
  13. Player said he chose Rival U over us because of their engineering program. Engineering cheating.
  14. That fast giant will never make the NFL. The reason: he signed at Rival U.
  15. That our many unrated players have the same rating as Ed Reed is noteworthy. “Ed Reed was only unrated because internet ratings didn’t exist yet,” you might say, and while that’s true, it’s irrelevant.
  16. Kansas State has two-stars. Kansas State has won games. We have two-stars. ERGO FACTO.
  17. Most of these signees and our head coach will still be here in four years.
  18. He only picked Rival U because his girlfriend/mom/dog/brother goes there. We didn't even waste all of our time trying, wisely.
  19. My tweets at recruits mattered.
  20. Alabama lost to underdog recruiting lightweight Ohio State a few years ago, so recruiting rankings are meaningless.
  21. Former two-star Khalil Mack got picked (among like a million blue-chips) in the NFL Draft, so recruiting rankings are meaningless.
  22. The NCAA will do something about Rival U's cheating soon.
  23. The NCAA.
  24. I'll try to pay less attention to recruiting next year.
  25. We’ll just fix all this in the transfer portal.

* watching most of the first half of

** a GIF