Alabama’s played 109 FBS, Division I-A, or contemporary-equivalent college football teams since starting a program in 1892, along with FCS/I-AA teams and a handful of oddballs. In that time, the Tide have been the sport’s best and blah blah blah program, claiming blah blah titles and doing other accomplishments we’ve all heard about many times without end.

We’re here today to talk about the teams that’ve had the Tide’s number.

Flee the horrifying talons of the Rice Owls, cruel lords of Tuscaloosa.

A famous 1954 Cotton Bowl was followed by two games in Houston, with Rice piling up a 68-19 total scoring margin in the series. That Cotton Bowl was known for Alabama’s Tommy Lewis racing off the bench, tackling a streaking Owl midplay, and slumping back to the bench. The refs awarded a Rice touchdown. Lewis later explained he was “just too full of Alabama.”

John F. Kennedy once used otherwise lowly Rice’s eternal flailing at state power Texas as a metaphor for attempting the impossible, such as trying to land on the moon. Since his 1962 speech, six American missions have landed humans on the moon, and Rice has beaten Texas twice in 46 tries.

But if JFK had wanted to use a truly mind-blowing metaphor, he would’ve asked, “Why does Alabama play Rice?”

Seven of these 19 don’t even play top-level college football any more and/or never did

Villanova is an FCS power, but the ones you haven’t heard of before? Yeah, there’s a reason.

Georgia Pre-Flight was one of many pop-up service academy teams fielded during World War II. Those two “athletic clubs” were non-student athletic groups. And that Cumberland program?

Why, that’s the same school that would lose a game to Georgia Tech by 222 points.

A school that lost a game by 222 points has an eternal winning record against the Alabama Crimson Tide, and nothing will ever change that, because Cumberland is way down in the NAIA now. The 1903 Cumberland team whooped Alabama in Tuscaloosa, 44-0, before also shutting out LSU and Tulane within the next four days. It’s been a stupid sport since day one.

How ‘bout Big 12 country!

The state of Oklahoma’s power-conference teams have gone 4-2-1 against the Tide. Texas and TCU are here. And the Owls whose university name we dare not speak are from Houston.

You might think one of these 19 doesn’t really have the Tide’s number ...

... seeing as Bama destroyed Notre Dame for a national title within the last decade, but in 1973, the Irish beat the Tide in a de facto championship bowl. Bama still claims it won the ‘73 title anyway, lol.

The Tide got a recent title win over Texas too, though the Horns only fell to 4-1-1 against Bama in postseason games.

Wait, Boston College is 3-1? Ha ha ha

If you think that’s funny, keep in mind NIU and UCF are mid-majors, an-

ROFL Boston College has a winning record against Bama in football.

Hang on. A second ago, you were me, and now you’re someone else. Also, UCF didn’t even go bowling that yea-

IT’S NOT EVEN BC-BAMA HOCKEY!

Yeah. BC football is in a power conference, unlike 2008 Utah, whi-

LMAO BOSTON COLLEGE

That’s funnier than “Carlisle?”

YES